Wonderful Thinking

When does staying well-informed cross the line into information overload and overwhelm? As leaders working in the diversity, equity and inclusion space, the current social and political climate definitely has us testing that balance. 

KH: Like many friends, our texts and DMs are random and never ending. 😁

BG: I am certain that we have more proverbial costume changes in one conversation than Beyonce will have during the Cowboy Carter tour! But much like a tour all the changes are still connected by a theme.  

KH: We’ve got jokes, personal updates, and of course memes. But we also keep each other informed on what’s happening in social justice and diversity, equity and inclusion. And there’s a lot happening these days. 

BG: I vacillate between hope and exhaustion frequently. I’m also aware that the point of all the chaos is to cause overwhelm. Septima Poinsette Clark once said, “I have great belief in the fact that whenever there is chaos, it creates wonderful thinking. I consider chaos a gift.” I believe that’s what we’re doing in our DMs — a lot of wonderful thinking. 

KH: “Wonderful thinking.” I love that!! It speaks to the space we’re creating for each other. And to think, we don’t send half of what we could! With the barrage of legislative actions related to diversity, equity and inclusion, it can be easy to spiral in the name of staying well informed. Even when you have positive developments, like the Federal judge blocking exec orders last week. How do you know when you crossed the line into information overwhelm?  If I get to 2-3 scrolls and haven’t laughed — that’s my sign! 

Educator and activist Septima Clark

BG: Yes! My barometer is joy. If I don’t have a smile on my face and my heart full after a few scrolls, I go find the beautiful toddler in brown fringe cowgirl boots popping a fan to Frank Foster’s song, “Boots on the Ground.” Also, she’s a much better dancer than me and I clearly need to level up before Spring. I can’t look bad doing this dance, lol!

KH: How do you find a better balance? 

BG: With so much change, it makes sense that we’re trying to gain a sense of control by staying informed. But I think we have to set boundaries and ask ourselves ‘Is this information actionable?’ Social media algorithms can trap us and decide what we see. We have to be picky and find a few trusted news sources, limit the amount we consume and stick with the important parts. National Public Radio (NPR) is my go-to source. I listen on the way to work and on the way home. I’ll catch some local news in the evening to catch community and legislative happenings. And everything else I consume is on the lighter side.

KH: Agreed on being selective in terms of news consumption. I will also mute a group chat in a minute. Hide and delete folks on social. And sometimes simply tell people that I don’t want to be included in certain conversations. I have to check myself, too. Like you, I’m biased toward positive action, so I try to share content that reflects that. If I’m reading or watching and feel more despair than motivation — it’s time to do something different. 

BG: It’s really about finding ways to respond effectively to changes that affect our lives and those around us without being part of the noise. I read this quote by author Caroline J. Sumlin recently, “Joy and rest must be at the foundation of your activism. It is not sustainable to run on anger.”

KH: And let’s be clear; we’re not delusional or engaging in toxic positivity. What we’re facing as a nation, particularly as part of marginalized communities, is an attempt to undo decades of progress toward a more just society. I recently sent you an article about banning books — in this case a library removing from its shelves books that mention the civil rights movement. Can you imagine what’s left on those shelves? It’s scary and maddening. 

At the same time, I’m seeing more people post reminders that we are not powerless. There are things we can do to fight back, drive positive change, and take care of ourselves. 1) More intentional spending with companies whose practices align with your values. For me that’s Black, small and local businesses.  2) Buy, borrow, read and recommend banned and challenged books. 3) Support mutual aid efforts — and make use of them if you need help. Being part of a supportive community is so important right now. What would you include on that list?

The banned book display at Watchung Booksellers, an independent bookstore in Montclair, NJ

BG: I absolutely agree with intentional spending — or not spending. I’d add lifting locally — attend city council meetings, school board meetings, community events. This is where decisions are made and you can lend your voice to positive change. I’d add volunteering for the causes that align with your values or interests. Whether it’s schools, parks, civic organizations or community centers and nonprofits. There are plenty of ways to give back and be creative doing it. I saw a video of a music teacher that was volunteering to teach kids spirituals from the Black church. What a way to connect with the community and combat the suppression of information in a nontraditional way! I believe what Kerry Washington said during the NAACP Awards. We’re being called to greatness.

KH: If DEI is the top topic in our DMs, second has to be Black history. You and I always talk about how we celebrate all year; Black History Month is just our anniversary. What’s been your favorite Black history share so far? Mine is the post about Whitney recording “I’m Your Baby Tonight” in one take because she wanted to go to the mall! I read LA Reid told that story in his book Sing to Me. I also love the history Imani Barbarin shared about Audre Lorde’s quote and why rest and self-care are revolutionary. 

BG: There have been two for me: encouraging people to watch The Six Triple Eight. Black girls are magic! I was beaming that entire movie! It’s our tradition of resistance that continues to inspire me. Did I mention these women built a hair salon in a dilapidated church during a war? The second would be Sheila E. sharing the story of playing bottles filled with water on Michael Jackson’s song, “Don’t Stop ‘Til You Get Enough.” As soon as I saw this clip, I listened to the song. If you didn’t know, now you know! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yaMhspMpzfo

The six triple eight battalion

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Bria R. Griffith is a multi-industry organizational leader on a mission to connect community and business to implement strategies that promote social and economic equity.

Katura Hudson is a writer and strategist with a passion for community, Black history, and New Edition.

What We’ve Outgrown

When times get tough and motivation is hard to come by, a helpful friend might suggest looking at how far you’ve come. Growth can be inspiring. So can leaving things behind. 

Katura: I was listening to entrepreneur Myleik Teele (founder of Curlbox) talk about outgrowing friendships. Not because of drama or a falling out - simply because two people are in different places in their lives and don’t connect like they used to. Relatable, right?

Bria: So very relatable. When I was much younger this disconnection felt personal; I took it as an indictment on who I was. However, age and wisdom reveal very different things at play when this happens in friendships. There isn’t much I like about reptiles, but one thing I do admire is that reptiles know how to shed their skin and keep it moving. The shedding doesn’t happen overnight. There’s rubbing and agitation that has to happen over time. But in the end, there’s no muss, no fuss, just new skin. Totally random thought: I wonder if reptiles have “They think they’re all that!” moments when they’ve shed their skins and interact with other reptiles. Probably not. Are humans really more evolved? <chuckles>

Katura: Time flies during a regular year. But 2020 was a total time warp and endless loop of pandemic and election news. So I appreciate the year-in-review recaps we see around this time because I need to be reminded that other things happened this year.  I do personal reflection around this time too. What did I learn? What do I want to work on? What am I thankful for? This year I’m adding a question. What did I outgrow? 

Bria: Now you have me thinking, but while I’m doing that what did you outgrow?

Katura: Most of my life, I’ve defined growth by accomplishments. (Typical type-A behavior.) If not accomplishments at least progress. Has my writing improved? Did I learn a new skill? Can I run farther, twist my hair faster? But growth is not just about stepping into the new. Growth is also what you leave behind. Realizing what no longer serves you and letting it go. 

Two big things I’ve outgrown. 1) Being the default “go to” person; 2) The pressure of “should.” Both of those things come with heavy expectations and almost no boundaries. I’m over all of that. 

Now be clear, just because I’ve outgrown things doesn’t mean I‘ve totally let them go. Unlearning behaviors can be a process. But acknowledgement is the first step. And I’ve definitely done that. 

What have you outgrown?

Bria:  More than anything I’ve outgrown undervaluing me. I’m over that. I’m valuable. Whether or not someone chooses to see my value is not something I can control. That goes for friendships, relationships, workplaces, worship spaces and anywhere in between. I tend to overcorrect to prove my worth (for any given reason) and the effort involved never matches the outcome. You know I work diligently on seeing situations through a lens of grace and compassion (it’s not easy). But I’ve learned I’ve got to save some of that grace and compassion for me too. So, I start at “I’m valuable,” and go from there rather than, “Let me prove to you how valuable I am.” This has filled my peace jar a lot quicker.

Katura: I love that. Because your value isn’t something you need to convince someone of. It just is. 

My most vivid memory of outgrowing something was this pair of turquoise pants I had as a kid. I don’t know why, but they were my favorite. When they were clearly too short for me, my Dad made me put them in a big bag full of clothes we were donating. A few days later, I went back in that bag, dug out those pants and put them on. They were wrinkled high waters! But I was not ready to let go. 

Do you remember learning about the concept of outgrowing?  Or letting go?

Bria: I learned about letting go the first time my family moved. On our last trip to get the remaining things out of the “old” house I slowly walked through the rooms.  The house felt so big with all of its contents gone. My little mind was overwhelmed by the uncertainty of new things (i.e., new house, new school, new neighborhood kids) and what these new things meant for the old things. My Mom must have seen the anxiety and sadness on my face and as she tends to do, created a vision for an adventure that included picking paint and vertical blinds for my new room. I think it taught me that letting go of old things isn’t always bad. And in hindsight, interior design was not my calling!

Katura: This doesn’t count as outgrowing per se,  but one thing I gave up this year? Trying to run again. I used to love running. I ran track in high school and later with BGR. I got back out there this summer and NOPE. Not only was I so out of shape, I didn’t enjoy running anymore. I realized I was doing it to check the box on a comeback. Doing it just to say I did. I’m over that too. 

Bria: In that vein, I wanted to let go of rigidly defining the things I enjoy doing. So, I got to thinking about all of the ways I loved being active as a kid. Thankfully, I have a family that supports me when I suddenly switch things up (or maybe they silently judge me). Either way, I added roller skates to my holiday wish list. Send some positive vibes your girl’s way because these bones ain’t so young anymore! 

Katura: This whole convo just reminded me of that Toni Morrison quote from Song of Solomon: ‘Wanna fly, you gotta give up the sh!t that weighs you down.” Here’s to more flying. 

The authors, pre-blog and pre-pandemic, pausing for a photo during a marathon convo in DC. 

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Bria R. Griffith is a multi-industry organizational leader on a mission to connect community and business to implement strategies that promote social and economic equity.

Katura Hudson is a writer and strategist with a passion for community; diversity, equity & inclusion; and New Edition.

Two Friends Talking: Radical Self-Care

Bria: So, the world is dealing with a lot right now. People are facing unprecedented challenges living through a global pandemic. How are you taking care of yourself?

Katura: I’m grateful that my loved ones and I are healthy and safe. So taking care of myself has meant eating relatively well, listening to great music, staying away from things that don’t bring me joy, and drawing closer to things and people who do. What about you?

Bria: I’m thankful that my loved ones are healthy and safe too. I’ve been taking care of myself by exercising, laying off the quarantine snacks, and watching a lot of cooking competitions (great ideas for quarantine cooking). I’m thousands of miles away from my parents and siblings, so that’s been hard because I would have made a few trips to visit with them by now. Essentially we've had to reimagine what it means to connect with community, and even how to connect with self. How do you define self care? 

Katura: I like this simple definition: self-care is intentional mental, spiritual, emotional & physical attention we give ourselves.

Bria: Mariam Mauna defines radical self-care as giving yourself what you need when you need it and dropping the ball on everything and everyone else.

Katura: I’ve been thinking about the distinction between self-care and radical self-care. I think self-care is often seen as a reward, or something we do after a rough few weeks or challenging project. But radical self-care says investment in our well-being comes first. That requires a shift in thinking and I believe more people are making that shift because of the current climate. I’m here for it. I like the idea of consistently pouring into yourself so your cup stays full. 

Bria: I recently saw a social media post that said, “Whatever is in your cup is what you spill out.” I like the idea of shifting your thinking from a reward mindset to an investment mindset because I think it gives you more control over what you put in the cup (practices that help you protect your wellbeing) and helps determine the lines that must be drawn to protect the cup. Radical self-care is about creating the necessary boundaries that allow you to heal and maintain peace even where chaos exists.

Katura: And this might be stretching the definition a bit, but I think for some of us, actually prioritizing self-care is radical in and of itself!

Bria: Self-care takes on many forms. How can we practice radical self-care outside of the confines of capitalism? 

Katura: This is an important question because capitalism and its effects can be big causes of stress and discontent. For a while, it seemed self-care conversations centered on pampering, which often comes with a price tag: bubble baths, massages, spa treatments, maybe yoga. I love all of those things, but you can absolutely practice self-care and radical self-care without them. The most important self-care practices for me are free. I check in with myself. Before I officially start my day, before I respond to a request, before I take on a new project. I pay attention to how I’m feeling and to what I need. I say no to things that don’t feel aligned. I also pause throughout the day to reflect on what I’m grateful for. I was in community with writers recently and many of us talked about writing as a form of self-care, too. 

Bria: When I hear radical I think about an urgency to do something completely different than what is considered normal. A few years ago I called a friend to vent during a particularly rough day [venting is sometimes self-care for me]. She told me to get somewhere quiet, set the timer on my phone for one minute and breathe. Breathe for one minute?! It seemed absurd given all I was dealing with at the time. But it worked and it still works. Taking that minute or few minutes ultimately helps to determine what I need to do to alleviate stress or anxiety, which may be a meditation with affirmations before I go to bed, a morning jog, washing dishes [it actually works for me] or a phone call with my parents. I just like the freedom that comes with defining self-care for ourselves and not by people who don’t have us in mind.

Bria: May is mental health awareness month and a global pandemic makes discussions about mental health, available resources, and access to care even more important. Women of color have additional experiences (e.g., sexism, racism, etc.) that negatively compound their human experience. Do we need supplemental resources that address mental health through the lens of intersectionality?

Katura: Intersectionality is always essential. I think on paper, the tools and resources may work across racial and gender identities, but how we use them or why we need them when those identities intersect can be very different. I’m thinking of microaggressions many women of color experience in the workplace. Or how some feel the need to justify pouring into themselves when we’re “supposed” to be strong Black women who can handle almost anything. You may have to acknowledge and unlearn that thinking before you can even begin to prioritize self-care. And we need self-care resources and communities that consider that. What do you think?

Bria: I agree that intersectionality must be factored into developing tools and resources especially considering how differently women of color experience the world, how systemic discrimination may be layered with each intersecting identity creating a greater need for specific resources and how cultural differences influence if/when women of color seek care and the type of care available to them. A one-size-fits-all solution creates too many blindspots. The goal should be to increase overall wellbeing and I don’t think you can get to that outcome without considering intersectionality.

Bria: COVID-19 has forcibly slowed the world down, magnified shortcomings in governments and healthcare systems and exposed the widening disparities among social and economic classes. It’s also been moving to see people tap into the most creative parts of themselves to meet these challenges with innovative solutions, connect, share and learn in new ways and continue to support the most vulnerable among us. Acknowledging that we’re not all having the same experience during this pandemic, what forms of celebration can we incorporate into a practice of radical self-care that honors our existence in such difficult times?

Katura: The term ‘self-care’ could easily have us thinking this practice is only about the individual - or that it’s something we do alone. But in the amazing conversation GirlTrek hosted with Angela Davis and Nikki Giovanni, they referenced Audre Lorde, who called for “‘self-care that involves community” and “self-care that helps us all to heal.” When you remember and lean into that, ideas for celebration as self-care seem endless. It also ties in to your question about WOC’s specific self-care needs. Celebration is holding space and lifting each other as a way of strengthening community. 

There’s a picture book called Cornrows, written by Camille Yarbrough, illustrated by Carole Byard. In it, three generations of family members are cornrowing each other's hair, and telling stories about the cultures and traditions these hairstyles come from. That is peak celebration as self-care. The way Angela Davis and Nikki Giovanni spoke the names of so many other women during that conversation — celebration as self-care. Even Jill Scott and Erykah Badu on Verzuz showing so much love for each other during what was billed as a battle — celebration as self-care. Or maybe that was just a celebration. I just know I felt lifted!!

Katura: So I was good and grown before I knew what self-care was, and which practices work for me. I’m still learning. What do you think can help girls and younger women embrace self-care even earlier?

Bria: We probably did things when we were younger to soothe ourselves or escape from anxiety or sadness that we didn’t define as self-care. For me, it was listening to music on a blanket in the backyard watching clouds make different shapes or riding my bike to the library, choosing a book, finding a quiet spot and getting lost in the pages. So, I think it begins with helping girls and young women to define self-care - naming it. You mentioned this earlier and I think it’s just as applicable to girls and young women, but learning how to check in with themselves and caring adults - assessing how they feel and identifying what they need - fosters resilience and supports overall wellbeing. We also have to model it for them by incorporating wellness practices into our daily routines to give them examples of how to lessen stress and anxiety, and increase joy and celebration.

Katura: Last question. These days, more than finding moments of joy, I think we need to create them. For me, that looked like putting on a cute skirt that twirls and dancing at my own personal party on Stevie Wonder’s birthday, which was also your birthday!! What are you doing to create more moments of joy?

Bria: Funny you should ask this question because I was recently challenged to create at least one moment of joy each day for fourteen days. I’ve had some of the best times of my life dancing and listening to good music with family and friends. So, lately it’s been a dance break in the living room! In all honesty, I had a few dance breaks listening to Stevie on our birthday! I also made a list of women in my life who bring me joy and have been intentional about connecting with them more often - like our happy hour video chats :)

Bria R. Griffith is a multi-industry organizational leader on a mission to connect community and business to implement strategies that promote social and economic equity. Katura Hudson is a writer and strategist with a passion for community; diversity, equity & inclusion; and New Edition.