Reimagining Rest

Rest:

“To cease work or movement in order to relax, refresh oneself, or recover strength.”

We’ve been writing this blog about rest for months. The reason it’s taken so long is probably because we don’t rest enough. We’re usually working — developing strategies, juggling countless projects, professional and personal commitments and favors. So what does it mean for two super doers to reimagine rest? We discuss. 

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Katura: I had to actually look up the definition of rest because I’m still new to the practice. Rest used to mean sleep to me, especially as a kid. Now it looks like a lot of different things. Daydreaming, deep breathing, even just shutting my eyes for a few minutes. Rest also used to simply mean ‘not working.’ But now I know it’s more than that. It’s intentional and restorative. 

Bria: Rest definitely meant sleep to me until I became a real adult. I developed a habit of doing all the things, all the time and sleeping when I was completely spent. At some point though, I began to understand what my elders meant when they said, “I’m just resting my eyes.” The goal was not necessarily to sleep. It was more about resting their minds. I do remember them unintentionally falling asleep a few times though! But I’m learning how to calm my mind, not just my body with rest. 

Bria resting watching the sunset in Tulum, Mexico pre-COVID. (She is not pictured, lol)

Katura: Ooh that’s good. Resting the mind is tough for me. And learning to rest is work! I’m unlearning the need to constantly be productive. Doing is a reflex. If I close my laptop, I’m still on my phone - reading, writing, brainstorming. If I sit still on my couch, before I know it, a To Do list is forming in my head and I’m tackling the first task. When I do rest - no phone, no laptop, no tv, talking or To Dos - my mind clears and my creativity soars. I get ideas for books and blogs and new strategies. Of course all of that is more work. So my next step on this journey is resting for rest’s sake. Letting my mind clear or soar and not feeling like I have to take action on it either way. 

Bria: I think it’s interesting that there are so many books and articles on sleep hacks for more productivity versus sleep hacks to just...sleep! I think this speaks to a larger discussion around equality and equity - what it means to be lazy, who gets to be lazy and grind culture. For so long, people in marginalized communities have been told that they don’t have material wealth  because they don’t work hard enough. Yet, these same people were relabeled “essential workers” during the pandemic while others escaped with their families to tropical locales. Thankfully, people are calling attention to these unhealthy aspects of dominant culture and reshaping the narratives. 

Katura: I’ve stopped using ‘lazy’ to describe a state of inactivity. Maybe we’re tired or just not interested in a particular task. And I’m so glad there’s more pushback on grind culture. It always seemed to be more about bragging than doing impactful work anyway. 

Katura resting at Mytoi Gardens in Edgartown, MA

Bria: I know you follow The Nap Ministry. What are your thoughts on rest as resistance?

Katura: Those Nap Ministry posts get me together. One of my favorite posts is “Harriet Tubman was stopping to pray and rest and had prophetic dreams while leading the Underground Railroad.” Even now, I can hear Tricia Hersey (Nap Ministry founder): instead of doing all this talking and writing about rest, go lay down! 

You and I talk a lot about radical self care, and rest is a part of that. Society expects us to earn rest by working hard. But if I never do any more work in life - I still need rest. Believing rest is a right is resistance. Especially for those of us who were taught we need to work twice as hard to get half as much. I’m rejecting that. And as someone who’s experienced serious burnout before, I’m trying something new. I want to rest before I get tired. 

Bria: A word! “Rest before I get tired.” Deciding to reject the double standard for work and reward was definitely a game changer for me. I’m learning to prioritize what matters most to me and establish healthy boundaries. Also, I’m human. Humans rest. It’s literally an operating system requirement, lol!

Katura: There’s a lot more on my mind, but I feel like we can use this time to put our words into practice. So last question: What’s your favorite way to rest? It’s the beach for me. If I can find a spot that’s not crowded, where I can hear the waves crashing - that’s perfect.

Bria: I heard the waves when I read that! I totally agree. Somewhere not crowded, feeling the sun on my face, surrounded by lush, green landscapes near water makes me feel connected. There is something about the sound of water moving that sets my mind at ease. 

When You Need A Break

We started this blog because we were always talking: text, email, DMs on all social platforms, occasionally even phone calls. But this summer, we got quiet. So we decided to write about it. 

Katura: We took an unintentional hiatus from our blog this summer. We were busy with multiple projects, but that’s always been the case. And there was definitely plenty going on in the world to talk about. Too much, actually. Maybe that’s why we were quiet? 

Bria: I unknowingly unplugged. Looking back I was very overwhelmed by what was happening in the world. My work centers Black girls and women and Black girls and women need so much support for so many reasons. I was consulting with organizations about diversity, equity and inclusion, and it’s hard at times to see light at the end of a very profit-driven tunnel. I was having multiple conversations that left me empty. I was struggling with the faith community and its role in healing folks during times of crisis. It was a lot. So getting quiet was probably the compromise I made with myself between processing what was going on in the world and protecting my energy. What do you think made you quiet?

Katura: I hear you on the convos that leave you empty. When your work involves community building, social justice, inclusion and equity strategy - it requires sustained commitment. There are no quick fixes especially when so many people still don’t acknowledge the system is the problem and a social media post won’t fix it. I’m not an activist or organizer, but this summer I was overwhelmed. Same injustices, different day. Staying informed, engaged, focused on impact, holding space for others — none of that is optional for me. But blowing up a friend’s inbox with news that makes us both feel this work isn’t working? Totally optional. So I opted out. 

What’s interesting is that it was weeks before we realized we had gotten quiet. We made our decisions independently out of self-preservation (and sisterly consideration). Now we sometimes share articles with a disclaimer: ‘FYI. I didn’t read this yet bc I want to have a good day.’

Katura: How do you know you need a break? Is there one tell-tale sign for you?

Bria: I don’t get easily distracted. I do pretty well at managing to do lists and prioritizing tasks. So, when I look up and there’s a long list of not done or a pile of unfinished things, it hits me that I’m doing too much and need to regroup, reenergize and/or reprioritize. More than anything this pandemic has taught me to slow down and prune. What about you? Is there something specific you do when you realize you need a break?

Katura: I often plow through my To Do lists even when I’m overwhelmed. What’s different is my energy. I become highly annoyed about what I’m doing and that people are requesting even more from me. I’m learning to pay attention to those feelings and set better boundaries so I’m not reacting to overwhelm but preventing it. I have a long way to go. Lol.  But what’s working for me so far is being vocal about my boundaries, giving myself a whole day or two to relax and have (socially distant)  fun — no work. And then actually leaving the house, which is where most of the work is these days. 

Bria: The end of summer is upon us. COVID-19 derailed summer 2020 plans and the “smell from a grill could spark up nostalgia” kind of summer we were looking forward to was all but eliminated by social distancing and safety precautions necessary to protect folks from the transmission of the Coronavirus. Fun may have not been as accessible this summer, but protests highlighting racial inequality, inequity and injustice in this country were front and center. August has a deep connection to the civil rights movement with many moments in civil rights history taking place in August. Taking into account where this nation is right now, what’s your hope for August 2021?

Katura: I thought you were going to ask about my hope for fall of THIS year. A whole year from now?? I gotta be honest, I’m trying not to get far ahead of myself these days. There’s a lot of worry there. I’m trying to be more grounded in the present. That said, I hope by this time next year that more companies and organizations are doing the (equity) work, not just talking and writing about it. We saw the statements this summer. A year from now I want to see the actions that will back them up. And I hope that marginalized, underresourced groups will be centered in the change we’re fighting for, just not in bearing responsibility for doing that work.

Bria: Speaking of hope, I HOPE we continue to see beautiful Black women showcasing their talents on Verzuz battles! The buzz and buildup to Brandy and Monica, and most recently Patti and Gladys was almost as entertaining as the “battle” itself! I had a great time watching all of it! Who would like to see in an upcoming Verzuz battle in the fall?

Katura: How amazing was that Verzuz?? Ms. Gladys and Ms Patti gave a show!! And I absolutely participated in the hype. My Verzuz dinner was the pre-show!  Now I don’t know who I’d match her up with but I’d love to see Chaka Khan play some joints and share some stories. And Missy! Lyte vs Latifah could be dope. I Love how Verzuz pivoted from a straight up battle to a celebration. We need that. 

Bria: Now I’m thinking about food and wine pairings for the battles you just named!

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Bria R. Griffith is a multi-industry organizational leader on a mission to connect community and business to implement strategies that promote social and economic equity. Katura Hudson is a writer and strategist with a passion for community; diversity, equity & inclusion; and New Edition.

Two Friends Talking: Radical Self-Care

Bria: So, the world is dealing with a lot right now. People are facing unprecedented challenges living through a global pandemic. How are you taking care of yourself?

Katura: I’m grateful that my loved ones and I are healthy and safe. So taking care of myself has meant eating relatively well, listening to great music, staying away from things that don’t bring me joy, and drawing closer to things and people who do. What about you?

Bria: I’m thankful that my loved ones are healthy and safe too. I’ve been taking care of myself by exercising, laying off the quarantine snacks, and watching a lot of cooking competitions (great ideas for quarantine cooking). I’m thousands of miles away from my parents and siblings, so that’s been hard because I would have made a few trips to visit with them by now. Essentially we've had to reimagine what it means to connect with community, and even how to connect with self. How do you define self care? 

Katura: I like this simple definition: self-care is intentional mental, spiritual, emotional & physical attention we give ourselves.

Bria: Mariam Mauna defines radical self-care as giving yourself what you need when you need it and dropping the ball on everything and everyone else.

Katura: I’ve been thinking about the distinction between self-care and radical self-care. I think self-care is often seen as a reward, or something we do after a rough few weeks or challenging project. But radical self-care says investment in our well-being comes first. That requires a shift in thinking and I believe more people are making that shift because of the current climate. I’m here for it. I like the idea of consistently pouring into yourself so your cup stays full. 

Bria: I recently saw a social media post that said, “Whatever is in your cup is what you spill out.” I like the idea of shifting your thinking from a reward mindset to an investment mindset because I think it gives you more control over what you put in the cup (practices that help you protect your wellbeing) and helps determine the lines that must be drawn to protect the cup. Radical self-care is about creating the necessary boundaries that allow you to heal and maintain peace even where chaos exists.

Katura: And this might be stretching the definition a bit, but I think for some of us, actually prioritizing self-care is radical in and of itself!

Bria: Self-care takes on many forms. How can we practice radical self-care outside of the confines of capitalism? 

Katura: This is an important question because capitalism and its effects can be big causes of stress and discontent. For a while, it seemed self-care conversations centered on pampering, which often comes with a price tag: bubble baths, massages, spa treatments, maybe yoga. I love all of those things, but you can absolutely practice self-care and radical self-care without them. The most important self-care practices for me are free. I check in with myself. Before I officially start my day, before I respond to a request, before I take on a new project. I pay attention to how I’m feeling and to what I need. I say no to things that don’t feel aligned. I also pause throughout the day to reflect on what I’m grateful for. I was in community with writers recently and many of us talked about writing as a form of self-care, too. 

Bria: When I hear radical I think about an urgency to do something completely different than what is considered normal. A few years ago I called a friend to vent during a particularly rough day [venting is sometimes self-care for me]. She told me to get somewhere quiet, set the timer on my phone for one minute and breathe. Breathe for one minute?! It seemed absurd given all I was dealing with at the time. But it worked and it still works. Taking that minute or few minutes ultimately helps to determine what I need to do to alleviate stress or anxiety, which may be a meditation with affirmations before I go to bed, a morning jog, washing dishes [it actually works for me] or a phone call with my parents. I just like the freedom that comes with defining self-care for ourselves and not by people who don’t have us in mind.

Bria: May is mental health awareness month and a global pandemic makes discussions about mental health, available resources, and access to care even more important. Women of color have additional experiences (e.g., sexism, racism, etc.) that negatively compound their human experience. Do we need supplemental resources that address mental health through the lens of intersectionality?

Katura: Intersectionality is always essential. I think on paper, the tools and resources may work across racial and gender identities, but how we use them or why we need them when those identities intersect can be very different. I’m thinking of microaggressions many women of color experience in the workplace. Or how some feel the need to justify pouring into themselves when we’re “supposed” to be strong Black women who can handle almost anything. You may have to acknowledge and unlearn that thinking before you can even begin to prioritize self-care. And we need self-care resources and communities that consider that. What do you think?

Bria: I agree that intersectionality must be factored into developing tools and resources especially considering how differently women of color experience the world, how systemic discrimination may be layered with each intersecting identity creating a greater need for specific resources and how cultural differences influence if/when women of color seek care and the type of care available to them. A one-size-fits-all solution creates too many blindspots. The goal should be to increase overall wellbeing and I don’t think you can get to that outcome without considering intersectionality.

Bria: COVID-19 has forcibly slowed the world down, magnified shortcomings in governments and healthcare systems and exposed the widening disparities among social and economic classes. It’s also been moving to see people tap into the most creative parts of themselves to meet these challenges with innovative solutions, connect, share and learn in new ways and continue to support the most vulnerable among us. Acknowledging that we’re not all having the same experience during this pandemic, what forms of celebration can we incorporate into a practice of radical self-care that honors our existence in such difficult times?

Katura: The term ‘self-care’ could easily have us thinking this practice is only about the individual - or that it’s something we do alone. But in the amazing conversation GirlTrek hosted with Angela Davis and Nikki Giovanni, they referenced Audre Lorde, who called for “‘self-care that involves community” and “self-care that helps us all to heal.” When you remember and lean into that, ideas for celebration as self-care seem endless. It also ties in to your question about WOC’s specific self-care needs. Celebration is holding space and lifting each other as a way of strengthening community. 

There’s a picture book called Cornrows, written by Camille Yarbrough, illustrated by Carole Byard. In it, three generations of family members are cornrowing each other's hair, and telling stories about the cultures and traditions these hairstyles come from. That is peak celebration as self-care. The way Angela Davis and Nikki Giovanni spoke the names of so many other women during that conversation — celebration as self-care. Even Jill Scott and Erykah Badu on Verzuz showing so much love for each other during what was billed as a battle — celebration as self-care. Or maybe that was just a celebration. I just know I felt lifted!!

Katura: So I was good and grown before I knew what self-care was, and which practices work for me. I’m still learning. What do you think can help girls and younger women embrace self-care even earlier?

Bria: We probably did things when we were younger to soothe ourselves or escape from anxiety or sadness that we didn’t define as self-care. For me, it was listening to music on a blanket in the backyard watching clouds make different shapes or riding my bike to the library, choosing a book, finding a quiet spot and getting lost in the pages. So, I think it begins with helping girls and young women to define self-care - naming it. You mentioned this earlier and I think it’s just as applicable to girls and young women, but learning how to check in with themselves and caring adults - assessing how they feel and identifying what they need - fosters resilience and supports overall wellbeing. We also have to model it for them by incorporating wellness practices into our daily routines to give them examples of how to lessen stress and anxiety, and increase joy and celebration.

Katura: Last question. These days, more than finding moments of joy, I think we need to create them. For me, that looked like putting on a cute skirt that twirls and dancing at my own personal party on Stevie Wonder’s birthday, which was also your birthday!! What are you doing to create more moments of joy?

Bria: Funny you should ask this question because I was recently challenged to create at least one moment of joy each day for fourteen days. I’ve had some of the best times of my life dancing and listening to good music with family and friends. So, lately it’s been a dance break in the living room! In all honesty, I had a few dance breaks listening to Stevie on our birthday! I also made a list of women in my life who bring me joy and have been intentional about connecting with them more often - like our happy hour video chats :)

Bria R. Griffith is a multi-industry organizational leader on a mission to connect community and business to implement strategies that promote social and economic equity. Katura Hudson is a writer and strategist with a passion for community; diversity, equity & inclusion; and New Edition.