Summers With Our Mothers’ Mothers

Bria and Grandma Ella Mae; Katura and Mimi

On Threads sometime in July, someone asked “where did you summer?” This was after Ralph Lauren dropped their new Oak Bluffs collection, a campaign that prompted a lot of conversation about Martha’s Vineyard, Black folks, and vacation.

Some of the comments on that thread were judgey. But then there was another post — about spending summers with grandma. Which, for many of us, was the answer to the original question.

And the replies were everything. Watching “In the Heat of the Night.” Showered and dressed by 6:30 am. Tearing up Burlington and JC Penney. Setting grandma’s hair with rollers. No rules. 50-11 rules. Good food. Quality time.

Simpler times…

Portsmouth, VA with Mimi

I spent a lot of summers in Portsmouth. Sometimes it was with my parents and brother. But my strongest memories are of when it was just Mimi and me. I don’t remember details of getting there, though I’m sure my parents drove and dropped me off. But I have vivid memories of being there. Pressing the button on the garage door opener from my seat in Mimi’s car. Beelining to her bedroom to select a new polish from the dozens of bottles that sat on her dresser. Helping cook dinner at night, and sneaking extra sugar to put on my grapefruit in the morning. Mimi had grapefruit spoons, which was the only reason I even wanted to eat grapefruit in the first place. 

First and fifth visit to Mimi’s. Missing teeth in both.

During the day we’d go visiting folks, like Mrs. Gregory, her neighbor who in my mind was 100 years old, though I’m not sure Mimi ever told me that. Sometimes folks visited us — and I’d sit on the porch in one of Mimi’s white metal rocking chairs, listening just enough to be polite but also being sure to stay out of grown folks’ business. We’d clip coupons and grocery shop together, then go to the ice cream shop on High Street to splurge on cups of peaches and cream. Mimi kept everything.  Old yearbooks, all of her children’s trophies, my mom’s homecoming court gown. We spent hours looking at old photos and talking about family. I had a hard time keeping the branches of our family tree straight. How are the Carters and the Watsons related twice, again? Mimi enjoyed reminding me. We went to the beach a few times. Went to church all the time. And at some point, I went home back to Jersey though I don’t remember saying goodbye.

Jackson, MS with Ella Mae

I can probably count on one hand how many summers my brothers and I didn’t spend in Jackson when we were kids. That drive from St. Petersburg, Florida, to Jackson became second nature. I knew it by heart—every stretch of interstate, every stop we’d make along the way. But it was always the Capitol Street exit that brought us back to life, no matter how long we’d been asleep in the van. The excitement would hit us all at once, like Christmas morning. And really, for us, it was Christmas in July.

Back then, you could still drive right through Jackson State’s campus, and from there it was just a few minutes to our grandmother’s house. We called it the “green house” because of the mint green paint, and that name stuck like everything else from those summers. The second we pulled up, we’d race up the front steps, barely giving her time to open the door before we were in her arms. She gave the best hugs—warm, full, and safe. I can still feel them.

Grandma Ella Mae at a backyard bbq.

Though my days were often filled with the kind of mischief boys dream of—racing go-karts, building forts, riding bikes until sunset—the memories that have stayed with me the most weren’t the loud, wild ones. They were the quiet, slow ones. Sitting with Ella Mae on the porch steps with a bowl in my lap, snapping beans or shelling purple hull peas. Walking through her huge garden, picking vegetables while she taught me what was what. Watching her pickle jars of okra and cucumbers like it was second nature. Eating grapes off the vine, always half-scared a snake was going to pop out at me. And the smells—God, the smells. Buttery cornbread, sweet pies, cakes fresh out of the oven. She was the best baker I’ve ever known, and she made me feel like I was part of the magic, letting me stir the batter or pour it into the pan like I was really helping.

Saying goodbye was never easy. It never is when a place feels like home. But even as we pulled away, I always knew—we’d be back soon.

What We Got from Family

The Griffith and Hudson families. 

Hudson family photo courtesy of Stephan Hudson.

KH: A while ago I saw a post about generational trauma and the importance of remembering that there’s wisdom that's passed along to us too. With all the focus on healing, identifying unhealthy patterns, and doing the work to change them — it’s important to do more to recognize and tap into the good. And there’s so much of it. For Black History Month, I thought it would be dope to talk about all the good things that our families have passed along to us. 

brg: I really love that we’re learning new ways to ‘family.’ We’re understanding how generational trauma has affected us and redefining relationships, parenting and self-care. And to your point, our ancestors left breadcrumbs to help us both do the heavy work and find joy.

KH: So you know I'm gonna start with music. Now I can’t sing at all. But put me on that show Shazam and I’m winning. I can name a song within seconds of hearing the opening notes. And I swear that’s because of my family. My uncles are talented musicians. My aunt and both of my parents can sing. My uncle Curt & my cousin Eric even won a Grammy together last year. Now none of that talent came my way, but I do have that winning ear, and a deep love for live music.

brg: I can carry my weight holding a harmony or two, but I’m not a soloist! Sunday mornings were always my favorite music days: Gospel from my mom, Jazz, R&B and Funk from my dad, then they’d give the kids a freebie of what was popular at the time. I can’t remember a summer spent with my cousins that didn’t involve learning new songs. I know the song “Cassanova” by LeVert to this day because my big cousin Katisha made sure I knew every single word! 

Cousins April, Bria and Katisha

I also looked forward to building go-carts from lawn mower motors with my Uncle Walter, helping my Aunt Thressa prepare for family barbecues, going to the movies with my Aunt Lois who bought me my own popcorn that I didn’t have to share with my brothers. I learned to innovate and problem solve, connect with others and care for people.

KH: I got my side eye from my maternal grandmother, Mimi. 😁 She also used to always ask how I became so disciplined and goal oriented. But she earned her Bachelors from Hampton at 19 years old, traveled to France, and became a French and English teacher at both the high school and college levels. In the post-Depression, segregated south! She was in her late 80s and 90s when she was wondering about my discipline. I reminded her of the example she set for me, long before I was born. 

 Katura's maternal grandmother, Lillian Willis (Mimi) and her side eye.

brg: At the core, family is who we are; it’s at the heart of our humanity. Black family histories and traditions have been an integral part of this nation’s story and a foundational component to American culture and identity. One good thing that comes to mind for me is that family doesn’t mean blood. Can we celebrate play cousins?! Many of us grew up with cousins and siblings that were fostered and adopted through circumstances rather than courts. Those familial bonds are just as strong as the genetic ones. I feel like our ancestors taught us to love one another in that way.

KH: I met another Black woman who works in PR last week. Her last name is Hudson too and I called her cousin immediately!! Lol

I have a lot of biological cousins too. And genetics are really interesting. My cousin Kelli and I didn’t not really grow up together. I’d see her only here and there over the years. Our dads were super close growing up though. When my dad was writing his memoir, her dad was helping him remember details. They're that close. And when I tell you how similar Kelli and I are personality wise?! Especially when it comes to being straight shooters. It even surprises me sometimes. 

brg: I think we should also celebrate and lift up the regular stuff that our families have given us. Like how there are specific “jobs” when it comes to holidays - if it’s not your job to make potato salad and/or macaroni and cheese don’t make it or bring it. If you’re asked to bring ice and utensils, then we all know you can’t cook! I see that as two life lessons: stay in your lane (play to your strengths) and what’s understood doesn’t need to be explained :)

KH: Haaa!! My mom and I made the dressing together this past holiday season. Usually she makes it, and we wait alllll year for it, so I know that pressure! It's her recipe with some tweaks from my paternal grandmother, Ma Dear.

I always say that my first examples of giving came from Ma Dear. She didn’t not have a lot of money but if you were hungry, her door was always open and your plate would always be full. I learned that early from stories my dad would tell about growing up poor in Mansfield, LA. Giving from your overflow is one thing. But giving when you don’t have extra — that really stuck with me, and shapes my giving today. 

brg: Black men play a central role in our families. Black social media is usually ripe with hilarious illustrations of Black family member characters. I’m thinking about the uncle we all know with a cigarette hanging off of his lip giving you a laundry list of the necessary repairs for your car! I’m also thinking about fathers and grandfathers, brothers and cousins that provide stern and loving insight to steer you in the least harmful direction. 

KH: Shout to my uncle Raymond who came with me to buy my first car for that very reason!

There’s a content creator, itsjust_shaymoore on Tik Tok. Her videos have me hollering AND thinking we’re related. It’s an entire celebration of the Black family on her page. Including the mechanic uncle.

brg: I love her content! My family’s roots are Southern, which makes me love her content even more!

KH: What about parents? The best things you got from yours?

For me it’s being a solution creator. They started Just Us Books out of a need they saw decades ago for children’s books that celebrate and center Black folks. That takes initiative, drive, patience. I have two out of those three 😁. 

brg: My parents taught me to use what I have to help the overlooked among us. No one is too “small” to help. I was reminded of this a few years ago when my high school security guard, Myrna, reached out to me on social media. She was so sweet and told me she was proud of me. She even said I was cool! I spoke to support staff (security, lunch ladies, facilities, etc.) more than I did teachers and administrators and was keen to call out disrespectful behavior toward them. Now that I think about it, I’m the same way now.

Bria's parents on their wedding day

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Bria R. Griffith is a multi-industry organizational leader on a mission to connect community and business to implement strategies that promote social and economic equity.

Katura Hudson is a writer and strategist with a passion for community; diversity, equity & inclusion; and New Edition.