KH: A while ago I saw a post about generational trauma and the importance of remembering that there’s wisdom that's passed along to us too. With all the focus on healing, identifying unhealthy patterns, and doing the work to change them — it’s important to do more to recognize and tap into the good. And there’s so much of it. For Black History Month, I thought it would be dope to talk about all the good things that our families have passed along to us.
brg: I really love that we’re learning new ways to ‘family.’ We’re understanding how generational trauma has affected us and redefining relationships, parenting and self-care. And to your point, our ancestors left breadcrumbs to help us both do the heavy work and find joy.
KH: So you know I'm gonna start with music. Now I can’t sing at all. But put me on that show Shazam and I’m winning. I can name a song within seconds of hearing the opening notes. And I swear that’s because of my family. My uncles are talented musicians. My aunt and both of my parents can sing. My uncle Curt & my cousin Eric even won a Grammy together last year. Now none of that talent came my way, but I do have that winning ear, and a deep love for live music.
brg: I can carry my weight holding a harmony or two, but I’m not a soloist! Sunday mornings were always my favorite music days: Gospel from my mom, Jazz, R&B and Funk from my dad, then they’d give the kids a freebie of what was popular at the time. I can’t remember a summer spent with my cousins that didn’t involve learning new songs. I know the song “Cassanova” by LeVert to this day because my big cousin Katisha made sure I knew every single word!
I also looked forward to building go-carts from lawn mower motors with my Uncle Walter, helping my Aunt Thressa prepare for family barbecues, going to the movies with my Aunt Lois who bought me my own popcorn that I didn’t have to share with my brothers. I learned to innovate and problem solve, connect with others and care for people.
KH: I got my side eye from my maternal grandmother, Mimi. 😁 She also used to always ask how I became so disciplined and goal oriented. But she earned her Bachelors from Hampton at 19 years old, traveled to France, and became a French and English teacher at both the high school and college levels. In the post-Depression, segregated south! She was in her late 80s and 90s when she was wondering about my discipline. I reminded her of the example she set for me, long before I was born.
brg: At the core, family is who we are; it’s at the heart of our humanity. Black family histories and traditions have been an integral part of this nation’s story and a foundational component to American culture and identity. One good thing that comes to mind for me is that family doesn’t mean blood. Can we celebrate play cousins?! Many of us grew up with cousins and siblings that were fostered and adopted through circumstances rather than courts. Those familial bonds are just as strong as the genetic ones. I feel like our ancestors taught us to love one another in that way.
KH: I met another Black woman who works in PR last week. Her last name is Hudson too and I called her cousin immediately!! Lol
I have a lot of biological cousins too. And genetics are really interesting. My cousin Kelli and I didn’t not really grow up together. I’d see her only here and there over the years. Our dads were super close growing up though. When my dad was writing his memoir, her dad was helping him remember details. They're that close. And when I tell you how similar Kelli and I are personality wise?! Especially when it comes to being straight shooters. It even surprises me sometimes.
brg: I think we should also celebrate and lift up the regular stuff that our families have given us. Like how there are specific “jobs” when it comes to holidays - if it’s not your job to make potato salad and/or macaroni and cheese don’t make it or bring it. If you’re asked to bring ice and utensils, then we all know you can’t cook! I see that as two life lessons: stay in your lane (play to your strengths) and what’s understood doesn’t need to be explained :)
KH: Haaa!! My mom and I made the dressing together this past holiday season. Usually she makes it, and we wait alllll year for it, so I know that pressure! It's her recipe with some tweaks from my paternal grandmother, Ma Dear.
I always say that my first examples of giving came from Ma Dear. She didn’t not have a lot of money but if you were hungry, her door was always open and your plate would always be full. I learned that early from stories my dad would tell about growing up poor in Mansfield, LA. Giving from your overflow is one thing. But giving when you don’t have extra — that really stuck with me, and shapes my giving today.
brg: Black men play a central role in our families. Black social media is usually ripe with hilarious illustrations of Black family member characters. I’m thinking about the uncle we all know with a cigarette hanging off of his lip giving you a laundry list of the necessary repairs for your car! I’m also thinking about fathers and grandfathers, brothers and cousins that provide stern and loving insight to steer you in the least harmful direction.
KH: Shout to my uncle Raymond who came with me to buy my first car for that very reason!
There’s a content creator, itsjust_shaymoore on Tik Tok. Her videos have me hollering AND thinking we’re related. It’s an entire celebration of the Black family on her page. Including the mechanic uncle.
brg: I love her content! My family’s roots are Southern, which makes me love her content even more!
KH: What about parents? The best things you got from yours?
For me it’s being a solution creator. They started Just Us Books out of a need they saw decades ago for children’s books that celebrate and center Black folks. That takes initiative, drive, patience. I have two out of those three 😁.
brg: My parents taught me to use what I have to help the overlooked among us. No one is too “small” to help. I was reminded of this a few years ago when my high school security guard, Myrna, reached out to me on social media. She was so sweet and told me she was proud of me. She even said I was cool! I spoke to support staff (security, lunch ladies, facilities, etc.) more than I did teachers and administrators and was keen to call out disrespectful behavior toward them. Now that I think about it, I’m the same way now.
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